Amid the trials, tribulations, troubles, tempests, terrors and tasks that are ours to perform in this life, I am always amazed at the ability of the human spirit to rise above the filth that would darken our lives and drag us to depths we would not otherwise have gone.
In the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, my mind honed in on hope, which was already a topic I was thinking about. Seeing one couple embrace the higher, Christ-like road was more than a breath of fresh air. It did more than raise the spirits of the down trodden who did not react the same way this amazing couple did. This couple, whose oldest daughter was killed that day, showed us that there is a greater plateau to live on. A better standard of living to embrace.
This standard of living is not found in the philosophies of men who, at one time or another, questioned the rationality of believing in a loving God. They deny the idea that there was a man who underwent the "human experiment" and can say to us, "I have walked a mile in your shoes. Let me help you."
There is no greater concept to ponder than the Atonement of Jesus Christ. That greatest of all events provides to men the chance to hope that good will, in the end, prevail.
I can imagine the couples that have chosen to let go instead of languish in agony have drawn upon the strength of the Savior. They have allowed Him to lift the burden which bears down upon them. He is the great physician and with him, there is healing. Through Him, we have hope; a hope which will never fail because He has never failed. We will see the good in this world and in others. Life will be, as it has been, better.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
To The Saintliest Woman
While this title equally applies to my beautiful wife, this post is not about her. This post is about my grandmother, Lorraine Sudweeks Burnham. This post is also a long time coming. My grandmother passed away October 22, 2011.
I was at Basic Combat Training and was with my platoon cleaning the drill pad when I head Drill Sergeant Bush call out for "Burnham!" I grabbed a battle buddy and we approached the drill sergeant and stood at ease. He invited me into the CQ (Charge of Quarters) Office and asked my battle (short for battle buddy) to wait outside. He then closed the door.
In my heart I knew what he was going to say. I just knew it. Yet even when he told me "Your grandmother, Lorraine, passed away today..." the weight of her death didn't hit me. I was given instructions to call my wife and I did. She was blessed enough to have her mother there, through what was really a very, very difficult time.
After I talked with my beloved wife, I left and went upstairs where the rest of the platoon was at. They were getting ready for the night; showering, getting in PTs (physical training uniform) for sleep and doing what they always do. I sat on my bed, buried my hands in my face and sobbed. Very few came to ask what was wrong. I was OK with that. After a good cry, I readied myself for bed and went to sleep. I thought, erroneously, after a good night's sleep, I would be fine. I was wrong.
Over the course of the next four or five days, while ruck marching, firing weapons, cleaning, learning drill and ceremony, I had multiple times where I wanted to break down crying. I needed to talk. I spoke with my platoon sergeant, asking him if he could spare some time to talk, and letting him know why. I had felt the night of the 22nd that I needed to talk with him in particular, but BCT scheduling isn't always conducive to what we want.
I finally did get my audience with Drill Sergeant Bell. I spoke with him for thirty minutes about my grandmother and what she meant to my wife and I. I cried, but tears of hope instead of grief. He asked if I would like to attend the funeral and I said no. My grandfather, Willard Burnham, was a ten year military man and my grandmother loved him for his service and to stay and do everything I was being asked to do at BCT would be honor to her. He understood. And then he did something I didn't expect. He got very personal with me.
Drill Sergeant Bell was at his AIT when he received word that his grandmother died. He was able to go to her funeral, but he regretted it, as he couldn't cry while he was there. He though something was wrong with him. Well, two weeks after her funeral, at the most inopportune time according to him, he broke down crying. But he was able to pull himself through his trials, as I was pulling myself through mine.
But there is so much more to my grandmother than her support of the military and her passing away when I was unable to attend her funeral. Those who know my wife know she struggled with Postpartum depression. At a time when I was full blown into my addiction, going to school full time and working seventy-two hours a weeks, I was unable to give her the full attention she needed.
It turned out that my sister just moved out of my grandmother's mobile home with her family so I asked her if we could live with her. I explained why we needed her help. She was willing to let us live there with little compensation to her. That turned out to be one of the best decisions we made. My wife was saved from her PPD because of my precious grandmother. She was an ear for listening, sage advice when needed, a great storyteller and even on occasional baby sitter.
This wonderful angel never asked anything of us other than a few dollars a month rent. She never asked us to give to her for the sacrifice she made to have us living there. All she did, and this was literal, was thank us for the privilege of serving us. Little did she know what her charity would do to our relationship. Now she knows far better than we do what her kindness has done. Thank you Grandma. You were a saint when you were on earth. Now you are an angel in heaven.
I was at Basic Combat Training and was with my platoon cleaning the drill pad when I head Drill Sergeant Bush call out for "Burnham!" I grabbed a battle buddy and we approached the drill sergeant and stood at ease. He invited me into the CQ (Charge of Quarters) Office and asked my battle (short for battle buddy) to wait outside. He then closed the door.
In my heart I knew what he was going to say. I just knew it. Yet even when he told me "Your grandmother, Lorraine, passed away today..." the weight of her death didn't hit me. I was given instructions to call my wife and I did. She was blessed enough to have her mother there, through what was really a very, very difficult time.
After I talked with my beloved wife, I left and went upstairs where the rest of the platoon was at. They were getting ready for the night; showering, getting in PTs (physical training uniform) for sleep and doing what they always do. I sat on my bed, buried my hands in my face and sobbed. Very few came to ask what was wrong. I was OK with that. After a good cry, I readied myself for bed and went to sleep. I thought, erroneously, after a good night's sleep, I would be fine. I was wrong.
Over the course of the next four or five days, while ruck marching, firing weapons, cleaning, learning drill and ceremony, I had multiple times where I wanted to break down crying. I needed to talk. I spoke with my platoon sergeant, asking him if he could spare some time to talk, and letting him know why. I had felt the night of the 22nd that I needed to talk with him in particular, but BCT scheduling isn't always conducive to what we want.
I finally did get my audience with Drill Sergeant Bell. I spoke with him for thirty minutes about my grandmother and what she meant to my wife and I. I cried, but tears of hope instead of grief. He asked if I would like to attend the funeral and I said no. My grandfather, Willard Burnham, was a ten year military man and my grandmother loved him for his service and to stay and do everything I was being asked to do at BCT would be honor to her. He understood. And then he did something I didn't expect. He got very personal with me.
Drill Sergeant Bell was at his AIT when he received word that his grandmother died. He was able to go to her funeral, but he regretted it, as he couldn't cry while he was there. He though something was wrong with him. Well, two weeks after her funeral, at the most inopportune time according to him, he broke down crying. But he was able to pull himself through his trials, as I was pulling myself through mine.
But there is so much more to my grandmother than her support of the military and her passing away when I was unable to attend her funeral. Those who know my wife know she struggled with Postpartum depression. At a time when I was full blown into my addiction, going to school full time and working seventy-two hours a weeks, I was unable to give her the full attention she needed.
It turned out that my sister just moved out of my grandmother's mobile home with her family so I asked her if we could live with her. I explained why we needed her help. She was willing to let us live there with little compensation to her. That turned out to be one of the best decisions we made. My wife was saved from her PPD because of my precious grandmother. She was an ear for listening, sage advice when needed, a great storyteller and even on occasional baby sitter.
This wonderful angel never asked anything of us other than a few dollars a month rent. She never asked us to give to her for the sacrifice she made to have us living there. All she did, and this was literal, was thank us for the privilege of serving us. Little did she know what her charity would do to our relationship. Now she knows far better than we do what her kindness has done. Thank you Grandma. You were a saint when you were on earth. Now you are an angel in heaven.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
"Behold The Man"
This blog has turned in to a place for me to write about my addiction recovery and I love sharing what I have learned in the hopes it will give someone, whether male or female, any age, the strength they need to cast aside their own addictions and recover through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As of late, though, I have sought to expand this blog into more than just my recovery, and to that end, I post this, entitled "Behold The Man."
There are many people I know who think the pinnacle of manhood consists of beer, football, partying, sex and women. In high school, I vividly recall being put down because I refused behaviors that others around me held in high esteem. I was not innocent though. I had my addiction, but lest people thought less of me, I didn't advertise my sins.
As I have grown though, I have learned, in quite different terms, what a man is or does. I remember a talk given by Richard C. Edgley, formerly of the Presiding Bishopric, and he told a young man named Ben who we can look to as the peak of manhood. He took a phrase out of the New Testament where Pontius Pilot had Christ before the Jews and said "Behold, the man."
I doubt Pilot realized that what he did was show to all the Jews that Christ truly is the perfection of a man. His characteristics and daily life are what each man should be doing to live as a man. Having Christ as the standard is great because there is no variation in Him. While different forms of Christianity will differ in interpreting His teachings, we can all agree that His life was one of perfection. There is a clear standard and bar to measure up to. It will not vary for Christ did not vary.
An overview of Christ's life will show there are times to get mad, times to turn the other cheek, to pray, to do nothing, to act, to teach, to listen, to learn, to persevere and dare I say it...to quit.
I don't claim to hold answers to every aspect of manhood, but I do know where I stand in my own quest to be a man. I know where to find my example, which is the same place to find help: Christ.
There are many people I know who think the pinnacle of manhood consists of beer, football, partying, sex and women. In high school, I vividly recall being put down because I refused behaviors that others around me held in high esteem. I was not innocent though. I had my addiction, but lest people thought less of me, I didn't advertise my sins.
As I have grown though, I have learned, in quite different terms, what a man is or does. I remember a talk given by Richard C. Edgley, formerly of the Presiding Bishopric, and he told a young man named Ben who we can look to as the peak of manhood. He took a phrase out of the New Testament where Pontius Pilot had Christ before the Jews and said "Behold, the man."
I doubt Pilot realized that what he did was show to all the Jews that Christ truly is the perfection of a man. His characteristics and daily life are what each man should be doing to live as a man. Having Christ as the standard is great because there is no variation in Him. While different forms of Christianity will differ in interpreting His teachings, we can all agree that His life was one of perfection. There is a clear standard and bar to measure up to. It will not vary for Christ did not vary.
An overview of Christ's life will show there are times to get mad, times to turn the other cheek, to pray, to do nothing, to act, to teach, to listen, to learn, to persevere and dare I say it...to quit.
I don't claim to hold answers to every aspect of manhood, but I do know where I stand in my own quest to be a man. I know where to find my example, which is the same place to find help: Christ.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
We Don't Shoot Out Own
I've begun to attend a different Addiction Recovery Meeting (ARP) since the Wednesday night meetings that are dedicated to pornography conflict with work. This meeting is a general addiction meeting, ranging from drugs, alcohol, tobacco, gambling and all other kinds of addictions.It was my first time attending the meeting and there was a gentleman there who said something very profound. In talking about the ARP meeting, he praised how accepting we are of those who have struggles with addiction. "We don't shoot our own," he said. That was one of the most beautiful statements I have heard. It is very true. We don't criticize others who struggle with addictions. We know. We understand.
Then this thought occurred: what if every one in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and in the world, was willing to put aside thoughts of those who struggle with addictions. One reason so many don't talk about their addictions is shame. We are embarrassed that someone may find out we do not have control over our lives. But I can testify that overcoming an addiction is easier when there are people to talk to and to encourage you. And while those who have overcame or are overcoming an addiction are the best to talk to, anyone with a listening ear is helpful.
My wife and I are open about my addiction as an example to those who feel the shame associated with it. Recovery is possible through the Atonement of Christ and the shame can be taken away in Him. That is the message we share. Do not be afraid but find hope. There are people who understand and won't judge you. Hopefully no one judges you. I won't.
Then this thought occurred: what if every one in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and in the world, was willing to put aside thoughts of those who struggle with addictions. One reason so many don't talk about their addictions is shame. We are embarrassed that someone may find out we do not have control over our lives. But I can testify that overcoming an addiction is easier when there are people to talk to and to encourage you. And while those who have overcame or are overcoming an addiction are the best to talk to, anyone with a listening ear is helpful.
My wife and I are open about my addiction as an example to those who feel the shame associated with it. Recovery is possible through the Atonement of Christ and the shame can be taken away in Him. That is the message we share. Do not be afraid but find hope. There are people who understand and won't judge you. Hopefully no one judges you. I won't.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Crosspost from the Mrs.: Better Than a Million Dollars
This is from my wife's blog: mehealingthroughchrist.blogspot.com
Read it. It is good.
If someone were to come to you and say, Hey, I have a million
dollars and obtaining it is as easy as doing 12 things would you tell them that
no, you don't really need it that badly?
Would you shake it off and say, Nah, I'm not like other
millionaires.
No, that's ok. I can earn it myself.
Sounds absurd doesn't it?
So why then if you know you have an addiction, and you know
there are recovery programs do you sit back and say things like, No, It's not
for me. Or I can overcome it myself if I work a little harder, or it's
not really an addiction.
You know what is better than a million dollars?
Peace, happiness that is lasting. Like eternally.
Not just for a few minutes, or a day, or a few months. But eternal
happiness. Freedom from the bounds of your addiction. No matter what that
addiction is to. Drugs, Alcohol, stress (What? You can be addicted
to stress?) Yes, yes you can be addicted to stress, drama, anger, screaming..
HOW? It's easy. These things set off hormones in your
body, adrenaline, cortisol, among others. They give you a rush. You
can become addicted to that rush.
Caffeine, chocolate, sugar, food in general,Tv, internet,
politics, video games. Anything can become an addiction. An
addiction is a coping mechanism. It is an unhealthy way to cope with
something, whether it be stress, or boredom. What ever it is
that you cant find a healthy way to cope with.
The Addiction Recovery Program through The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints if for anyone. No matter what you are
addicted to. It is also for friends and loved ones of addicts so that they
can let go of patterns of codependency, or know how to support their addicted
loved one.
The overarching principle of the recovery program is the
Atonement of Jesus Christ.
He died for you. Do you believe that? Do you believe
that He atoned for your sins? Not just for everyone else's but
for yours too! Even if you are not a member of the LDS church. Even
if you are not a Christian. Even if you are an Atheist or an
agnostic. And yes, you do have agency in this still even though it has
already been done. You do not have to accept Christ. You do not
have to accept his Atoning for you. That is your choice. The point
is though that if you want it, it is there.
This life is not meant for us to go through alone. If it
was then what would the purpose be of the Atonement? What would be
the purpose of attending church? What would be the purpose of prayer?
Our Father does not want us to be alone through anything in this
life, happy or sad. It is not the way he set things up. That is why
he sent his son, to suffer bleed and die for you. That is why
he and his son came to Joseph Smith. To set up a church in these
Latter-days. That is why the church has inspired programs like the ARP
meetings. That is why people outside of the Church have AA meetings, over
eaters anonymous, gamblers anonymous. Because they see the need
for support in going through something.
So why deny yourself what your Father and His son want to give
you? Why?
Why deny yourself happiness, deep down and surface happiness.
True and everlasting happiness?
The Atonement is the greatest evidence we have of God's love for
us. The atonement is there for YOU. The ARP meetings are there for
YOU.
you wouldn't pass up a chance for a million dollars if it came
knocking on your door. So dont pass up your chance
to recover just because "It's isn't that bad" of
"I can do it myself I just need to work harder" or "I'm not like
them"
Free yourself. It is liberating. I can attest
to that!
The Lord loves you. So does your Father in Heaven.
You should love you enough to do this for yourself and quit hiding behind
false beliefs.
I Stand All Amazed.
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
I marvel that he would decend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Whom Do You Serve?
Christ was talking to the Jews and told them they could not hear His words because their father was not Christ's Father. He said "Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father will ye do." The Master said on another occasion "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
This is pretty clear. The Savior has said whom you follow is your father, or rather, master. My addiction is a constant struggle between choosing Christ and an inability to not follow the Adversary. Having taken the steps to get myself into this addiction I, at one point, chose Satan as my master. The spiraling addiction I found myself in made choosing Christ very difficult as a teen and as an adult. Times when I thought I was doing well, I was only on a break from the addiction. Sobriety allows a chance to feel the Holy Ghost, but there is still the matter of the addiction. Until certain patterns and cycles are broken, relapse will occur.
But here is something interesting I just learned about breaking the cycles and patterns of addiction. The 12 step Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints isn't a grand, new insightful revelation. Nor are the steps relevant to just our time. The steps in the ARP program form an in depth repentance process. While repentance is necessary in this life to return to our Father in Heaven, what makes repentance amazing is what it does to our focus.
Living a life of sin takes our eyes off Christ. We are focused selfishly on ourselves. The only way to repent is to turn to Christ. We take our eyes and put them on something else other than us. But not just something else. We turn to the only person who can heal us from the pitfall that is mortal life. We begin to walk in the path that the Savior would have us walk. We begin to have conversations about things he would have us talk about. We begin to make the necessary alterations in our life that will bring us back to the safe ground that is founded on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And this is only the beginning.
For us to truly follow Christ we must do as the young rich man was almost willing to do. We must give up all that we have and follow Christ. A verse in the Book of Mormon that has always had a profound effect on me says, "For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart" (Mosiah 3:7). How can we know Christ without following Him? We can't.
I learned in the past couple of weeks that my addiction hasn't been put behind me. I haven't turned my focus to Christ. I haven't taken the time to get to know Him. Since I haven't done that, am I his servant and he my master? When you ask yourself these questions, whatever the answer may be now, I pray you and I will answer in the future, "yes, he is my master, and I am his servant."
This is pretty clear. The Savior has said whom you follow is your father, or rather, master. My addiction is a constant struggle between choosing Christ and an inability to not follow the Adversary. Having taken the steps to get myself into this addiction I, at one point, chose Satan as my master. The spiraling addiction I found myself in made choosing Christ very difficult as a teen and as an adult. Times when I thought I was doing well, I was only on a break from the addiction. Sobriety allows a chance to feel the Holy Ghost, but there is still the matter of the addiction. Until certain patterns and cycles are broken, relapse will occur.
But here is something interesting I just learned about breaking the cycles and patterns of addiction. The 12 step Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints isn't a grand, new insightful revelation. Nor are the steps relevant to just our time. The steps in the ARP program form an in depth repentance process. While repentance is necessary in this life to return to our Father in Heaven, what makes repentance amazing is what it does to our focus.
Living a life of sin takes our eyes off Christ. We are focused selfishly on ourselves. The only way to repent is to turn to Christ. We take our eyes and put them on something else other than us. But not just something else. We turn to the only person who can heal us from the pitfall that is mortal life. We begin to walk in the path that the Savior would have us walk. We begin to have conversations about things he would have us talk about. We begin to make the necessary alterations in our life that will bring us back to the safe ground that is founded on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And this is only the beginning.
For us to truly follow Christ we must do as the young rich man was almost willing to do. We must give up all that we have and follow Christ. A verse in the Book of Mormon that has always had a profound effect on me says, "For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart" (Mosiah 3:7). How can we know Christ without following Him? We can't.
I learned in the past couple of weeks that my addiction hasn't been put behind me. I haven't turned my focus to Christ. I haven't taken the time to get to know Him. Since I haven't done that, am I his servant and he my master? When you ask yourself these questions, whatever the answer may be now, I pray you and I will answer in the future, "yes, he is my master, and I am his servant."
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
A Beginning Foundation
Addiction recovery, within the Addiction Recovery Program of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, requires two foundations to correctly achieve full recovery. It is the first of these foundations that I wish to write about.
Step 1 of the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) states: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless over your addiction, and that your life has become unmanageable. The principle that is being applied to an addict's life is honesty. I have come to learn that honesty is a hard concept for some people to comprehend. It also can be mistaken for other things, such as ulterior motives, brown nosing (there are stories to this), or even dishonesty. Some people are so cynical that honesty is an imaginary concept. It doesn't exist. No one can be honesty, and the funny thing is, they think they are being honest.
The root of the word honesty doesn't mean truthful, not lying. It actually means honor, moral uprightness, virtue and justice. As a side note, that links honesty to integrity much better than the current definition of honesty. Honesty wasn't a trait put on display when the higher road needed to be taken or doing the right thing at a certain moment was necessary. No. Honesty was, and is, a lifestyle. In regards to addiction recovery, what better way is there to start recovery than by accepting the standards of virtue and justice. Accepting responsibility for transgressions and sins, along with the consequences and also accepting, at the same time, the need for virtue and chastity in one's life. The whole of addiction recovery rests on one's ability to be honesty.
A funny thing about the word honesty,and why it is a great foundation for recovery, is found in the first four letters of the word: h-o-n-e. Hone.While the word hone and honesty have to common root, the definition of hone, both original and current, are closely related to what honesty is, namely, a foundation.
Hone is most widely used as a verb meaning to sharpen and in regards to recovery, honesty certainly sharpens the outlook of the addict's life. By admitting one's inability to overcome an addiction, the addict now has the clearest, sharpest view of the current state of their life.
The root of hone, and also a still used definition, is a noun meaning whetstone. Whetstones are used for sharpening, but they are also, generically, rocks. For addiction recovery, there is no better beginning foundation than honesty. It is a rock, to lead to the true Rock, who is Christ. Being honest in addiction will lead to the person who can heal us from any problem. Christ is the true Rock. And without Christ, there is no recovery.
Step 1 of the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) states: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless over your addiction, and that your life has become unmanageable. The principle that is being applied to an addict's life is honesty. I have come to learn that honesty is a hard concept for some people to comprehend. It also can be mistaken for other things, such as ulterior motives, brown nosing (there are stories to this), or even dishonesty. Some people are so cynical that honesty is an imaginary concept. It doesn't exist. No one can be honesty, and the funny thing is, they think they are being honest.
The root of the word honesty doesn't mean truthful, not lying. It actually means honor, moral uprightness, virtue and justice. As a side note, that links honesty to integrity much better than the current definition of honesty. Honesty wasn't a trait put on display when the higher road needed to be taken or doing the right thing at a certain moment was necessary. No. Honesty was, and is, a lifestyle. In regards to addiction recovery, what better way is there to start recovery than by accepting the standards of virtue and justice. Accepting responsibility for transgressions and sins, along with the consequences and also accepting, at the same time, the need for virtue and chastity in one's life. The whole of addiction recovery rests on one's ability to be honesty.
A funny thing about the word honesty,and why it is a great foundation for recovery, is found in the first four letters of the word: h-o-n-e. Hone.While the word hone and honesty have to common root, the definition of hone, both original and current, are closely related to what honesty is, namely, a foundation.
Hone is most widely used as a verb meaning to sharpen and in regards to recovery, honesty certainly sharpens the outlook of the addict's life. By admitting one's inability to overcome an addiction, the addict now has the clearest, sharpest view of the current state of their life.
The root of hone, and also a still used definition, is a noun meaning whetstone. Whetstones are used for sharpening, but they are also, generically, rocks. For addiction recovery, there is no better beginning foundation than honesty. It is a rock, to lead to the true Rock, who is Christ. Being honest in addiction will lead to the person who can heal us from any problem. Christ is the true Rock. And without Christ, there is no recovery.
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